How to say it · Saying no and disagreeing

Disagreeing politely

Someone says something you don't agree with. You want to say so honestly without making it personal or killing the mood.

5 ways to say it

How firmGentleFirm

I'm not sure I agreebest default That's a fair point, butagree, then push I see it a bit differentlygentlest I'd have to disagree with you therefirm and formal I don't think that's rightcorrecting facts

Way 1 · best default

I'm not sure I agree

A soft, honest no. "Not sure" leaves room for the other person to explain.

How firmGentle

ToneNeutral

Use itAnywhere

Examples

I'm not sure I agree. I think the first hotel was better value.

Hmm, I'm not sure I agree with that, to be honest.

In a conversation

A: Working from home is just less productive.
B: I'm not sure I agree. I get loads more done at home.

Common mistake

Not: I'm not agree.

Say: I'm not sure I agree.

"Agree" is a verb, so it's "I don't agree", never "I'm not agree". The "not sure" version is also softer.

Practice saying this

Next: That's a fair point, but

Way 2 · agree, then push

That's a fair point, but

You show you've really listened first, then add your side. Great in meetings.

How firmMiddle

ToneNeutral

Use itAt work

Examples

That's a fair point, but we still don't have the budget for it.

That's a fair point, but I think customers will hate the change.

In a conversation

A: If we launch in June, we beat our competitors.
B: That's a fair point, but the app won't be ready by June.

Practice saying this

Next: I see it a bit differently

Way 3 · gentlest

I see it a bit differently

You offer your own view instead of saying they're wrong. Hard for anyone to be offended.

How firmVery gentle

ToneNeutral

Use itAnywhere

Examples

I see it a bit differently. I thought the ending was really sad.

I see it a bit differently, but I get why you liked it.

Practice saying this

Next: I'd have to disagree with you there

Way 4 · firm and formal

I'd have to disagree with you there

Clear and polite at the same time. Good for interviews, debates and senior people.

How firmFirm

ToneFormal

Use itAt work

Examples

I'd have to disagree with you there. The data says the opposite.

With respect, I'd have to disagree with you there.

In a conversation

A: Nobody reads email newsletters any more.
B: I'd have to disagree with you there. Ours gets a forty per cent open rate.

Practice saying this

Next: I don't think that's right

Way 5 · correcting facts

I don't think that's right

Use it when something is simply wrong, like a date or a number, not just a different opinion.

How firmVery firm

ToneNeutral

Use itAnywhere

Examples

I don't think that's right. The meeting's on Wednesday, not Thursday.

Sorry, I don't think that's right. It closes at six.

Common mistake

Not: ~~You are wrong.~~

Say: I don't think that's right.

"You are wrong" attacks the person. Talking about the fact ("that") keeps it calm.

Practice saying this

Test yourself: which would you say?

Pick the right one

Which would you say?

Read the moment, then choose the way that fits it best.

Now say it out loud

Pick one and practise it in a real conversation. Save the ones you want to remember.

I'm not sure I agree That's a fair point, but I see it a bit differently I'd have to disagree with you there

Which would you say?

Now say it out loud

More moments like this