Someone is panicking, crying or furious. You want to help them settle, and the wrong words (like "calm down!") can make it much worse.
Way 1 · best default
Simple comfort. You're telling them this bad moment will pass.
Examples
Hey, it's going to be OK. We'll find your passport.
It's going to be OK, the doctor said it's nothing serious.
In a conversation
A: I've missed the last train and my phone's nearly dead.
B: It's going to be OK. You can stay at mine tonight.
Way 2 · for panic
Practical and calm. It slows them down before you talk about the problem.
Examples
Take a deep breath and tell me what happened.
OK, take a deep breath. We've still got an hour.
Common mistake
Not: Calm down!
Say: Take a deep breath.
"Calm down" can sound like you think they're overreacting. Giving them something to do works better.
Way 3 · you're not alone
Moves them from panic to action, and tells them they won't face it on their own.
Examples
Don't worry about the bill. Let's sort this out together.
Let's sort this out together. What do we need to do first?
In a conversation
A: The client wants everything changed by tomorrow and I can't do it!
B: Let's sort this out together. Show me the list.
Way 4 · bigger picture
Helps them see the problem is smaller than it feels. Use it for mistakes, not real tragedies.
Examples
So you failed one exam. It's not the end of the world.
It's not the end of the world, you can take the next flight.
Way 5 · very close
Soft and personal. For partners, family and close friends who are really upset.
Examples
Come here. I've got you.
It's all right, I've got you. Cry as much as you need.
Common mistake
Not: Don't be sad. Don't cry.
Say: It's all right, I've got you.
"Don't cry" can feel like they're not allowed to be upset. "I've got you" lets them feel it, safely.
Way 6 · cool a heated room
Firm but fair when people are arguing. You stop the fight without taking sides.
Examples
OK, voices are getting loud. Let's all take a minute.
Let's all take a minute and come back to this after lunch.
Read the moment, then choose the way that fits it best.
Pick one and practise it in a real conversation. Save the ones you want to remember.